


he who goes with many names

by Liliace



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (does it still count if they die in different ways than in canon?), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship, Gwaine/Merlin is the endgame, Hurt/Comfort, Less sad than it sounds I guess, M/M, Magic still exists though, Romance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 15:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11717001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liliace/pseuds/Liliace
Summary: In a world where soulmates are the norm, Merlin has five.Doesn't mean he gets to keep them all, though.





	he who goes with many names

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a pun of sorts of 'goes by many names', so yes, it's intentional. Also of note, I haven't actually watched Merlin in a while. So I hope my characterization is alright. I hope you enjoy the story, and if you have any comments to offer, I'd love to hear them!

Merlin meets Will when they're both just young boys. Merlin doesn't really fit in at the school, never mind the village, so he practically beams with happiness when this strange kid is friendly to him. Then they hear each other's names, and Merlin really does smile as wide as his little cheeks can stretch. It's okay, though, because Will isn't much better.

They compare their marks instantly, pulling their sleeves up and giggling when their wrists really do hold each other's names. From then on, they hold hands whenever one of them is sad or upset.

Naturally, this upsets many villagers – two boys walking hand in hand – but none of them say anything. Not until a bully in school accosts Merlin, and then Will comes to his defense with a fierce scowl and fists flying.

He gets off scot free when Merlin tells the headmaster that they're soulmates. Well, there's still a warning, but Merlin's just glad that Will didn't get into trouble on his account.

After that, most leave them alone. Soulmate marks are holy, revered, worshipped, and no one would dare come between those who share them.

That stands for Will, too. He brings up his concerns one night, when they're older, teenagers, and he runs his fingers across the other names written all over Merlin's body. He quietly asks if Merlin wants to go find his others, if Merlin wants Will with him or not, if Will isn't enough for him.

Merlin tells him in no uncertain terms that Will is more than enough, thank you very much, he didn't even want to go find anyone else. His magic swirls around them and Will sobs into Merlin's shoulder as Merlin curses the stars for branding him with multiple names.

He's not ashamed of them. He usually hides them, but that's because Will doesn't like seeing them, doesn't like the reminder that he's not Merlin's only one like Merlin is his. And that's fine with Merlin, because Will really is all he wants and needs.

He curses the stars once again when he loses Will.

In the midst of grief and funeral preparations and goodbyes Merlin doesn't even notice Will's name on his skin fading. Afterwards, he goes to seek comfort from it and touches it in a caress like Will used to do, and looks down and finds it gone and weeps. He's cried more that week than in his entire life before, he figures, but somehow he still has enough tears left for that.

His mother tries to convince him to go to the city, to continue the plans he and Will made together. Merlin can't do it, but after a month, grief has settled into determination and he goes to the city anyway.

Not to follow their plans of a bright future, because those plans were always with Will, but to become a doctor.

He doesn't want anyone to go through what he did.

His mother cries when he leaves, and Merlin is man enough to admit that so does he. He pays a visit to Will's grave on the way out of the village, and sits there for an hour as he tells Will of his plans and promises him that he'll always hold a place in Merlin's heart, and that none can replace him. Then he sets off to a future, not necessarily bright, but his anyway.

The city is so much different and Merlin finds it hard to adapt. He studies and learns, visits his uncle Gaius who can help him practice magic, and finally he makes a friend.

Gwen. She's a bright soul, awkward and shy yet with strength that many soldiers couldn't claim to possess. Her smile lights up the room and Merlin's heart feels lighter when she stumbles over words in an effort to talk herself out of whatever she talked herself into. For the first time, Merlin's waken hours aren't taken up by grief or pain, but rather the hope of something new.

Merlin tells her, one night when they're relaxing after a long bout of studying, that her name is written on his arm.

Gwen cries as she explains that she only holds one name, 'Arthur'.

It's a shock. Merlin didn't know that people could hold the name of someone who didn't have theirs; he wonders if this means that it isn't this 'Gwen' who's his soulmate. But her eyes are bright with tears and her lips are moving with unheard words, and Merlin knows it is.

He tells her that it's okay, that he has more names. He tells her that he already met one of them, but he died. For the first time ever, he tells someone of Will.

There are more tears throughout that night, on both their parts. When morning comes, they're lying in a tangle of limbs and Gwen quietly asks if Merlin would like to tattoo Will's name onto him. Merlin gets the tattoo a week later.

They shared so much pain, and Gwen still looks at him with sympathy, so Merlin doesn't dare tell her that one of his names is 'Arthur' as well.

They meet this famous Arthur a few months later, after a football match, and Merlin watches as Arthur practically fawns over Gwen. He bites his lip and wonders if his Arthur is someone else.

He's rather sure it is after talking to Gwen's Arthur for a while, rather soon determining that this Arthur is a prat. Yet when Gwen gets offended on Merlin's behalf, Arthur apologizes and invites them both to dinner.

Merlin can't say no when Gwen's looking at him so hopefully.

They go, and Arthur is a bit of a prat, yes, but he's also a kind soul with enough wit to match Merlin's and sweet words to match Gwen's. The dinner is a success, but Merlin can feel his heart break a little bit more when he sees how Arthur looks at Gwen like she's his stars, and doesn't find anything special about Merlin.

Well, that's not true. It doesn't take long before the two of them are best friends, and Arthur even asks him if it's alright if he dates Gwen. Merlin says yes, smiling in happiness for two of the most important people in his life, and tries not to cry because it's obvious that his name isn't on Arthur either.

Gwen asks Merlin if he's okay with her dating Arthur. Merlin lies and says he is.

It's during the summer break that he meets Freya. She's a gentle soul, yet as fierce as any warrior. She's weighed down by something invisible, and Merlin feels glad that one of his soulmates might understand his pain, and then feels guilty for that thought.

Freya has 'Merlin' written on her neck, and Merlin kisses the letters one by one as Freya traces her own name that lies on Merlin's lower back. They love each other dearly, deeply, and fast.

Freya dies a week into their relationship. Merlin doesn't speak a word to anyone besides the tattoo artist for five days, and then only to his mother to rage at the unfairness of it all. She doesn't disagree, just holds him as he weeps out his newfound grief and pain and loss.

When he returns to school, Gwen greets him with a bright smile and Arthur with a snarky comment, but both of their expressions dim when Merlin only nods in acknowledgement.

He hadn't told anyone when he met Freya. It was too new, too pure, too good to be true. He didn't tell anyone when all of that was proven true, either.

Now he takes them up to his room and tells them of her, of her beautiful face and kind mind and sweet words. He leaves out the part about her being a shapeshifter, because the last thing he needs is for his best friends to consider him insane.

They talk through the night, and Gwen weeps with him while Arthur holds him in his arms. Merlin cries a bit more for these two; for the ones he never had, in addition to those he lost too early.

Merlin only has one name left, now. He doesn't tell anyone, though his mother knows. Even she doesn't know how much he dreads finding his last soulmate, even as he hopes to find him soon.

He wonders if 'Gwaine' will have another name written on him or whether 'Gwaine' will die shortly after meeting him.

Merlin is pretty sure that he's cursed.

Then, a few months later, Arthur manages to drag Merlin into a pub. They sit and drink and Merlin has to admit having a good time despite his reservations. Then a bar fight starts, and Merlin and Arthur somehow end up on the same side as a handsome stranger, who had spent the night chatting up women and men in equal amounts.

When it's over, the stranger whose hair is practically flowing in nonexistent wind and whose smile is blinding in its beauty, extends a hand towards Merlin and says 'Gwaine'.

Merlin's heart almost stops, and then beats way too rapidly as he grabs the hand and offers his own name. It calms down when Gwaine's eyes widen in recognition, and they stare at each other for long moments before Arthur grows too exasperated and separates their hands whilst introducing himself.

'Prat', Gwaine glowers at him and grabs Merlin's hand again, this time so they're holding hands, and Merlin laughs as he knows for sure that this is his soulmate.

That doesn't mean that Gwaine is his to keep, though. They leave that bar and head to a different one, Merlin ditching Arthur with a promise to explain later, and although that date goes well, as do those following it, Merlin is anxious.

Gwaine has only Merlin's name on him, so Merlin is relatively reassured that he won't leave him for someone else. But death doesn't discriminate, and Merlin has already lost two soulmates to it.

They sleep together after their second date, and Gwaine practically worships his name on Merlin's body. Merlin, in return, sucks a bruise on his name on Gwaine's collarbone. The next morning, Merlin explains the two marks he still has, and the two tattoos he took to replace the lost ones. Gwaine doesn't judge him, doesn't leave, simply nods his acceptance.

He never really touches the other names on Merlin's body, but he holds Merlin's hand the way Will used to, and he never begrudges Merlin for finding comfort in Freya's name. He doesn't complain about Merlin being friends with Gwen and Arthur, he only looks sad whenever Merlin grimaces at the public displays of attention the two share.

Merlin wonders if he feels as insecure about his place in Merlin's life as Will did, but doesn't want to say anything out of respect for Merlin's other names.

In the end, Merlin asks, and Gwaine laughs and jokes about being used to being alone. Merlin looks at him, horrified, and refuses to let go of Gwaine's hand for the rest of the evening.

The next time they double-date Gwen and Arthur, Merlin tells Arthur that he bears his name, but would never wish for anything other than friendship because Gwaine is his all. Arthur looks properly shocked, as does Gwen, and then she berates him for not telling her about it in the beginning.

Merlin laughs and says that it all worked out for the best, and Gwaine squeezes his thigh while Arthur expresses his relief that Merlin found someone.

It's not ideal, of course it's not. Gwaine still doesn't fully believe that Merlin won't choose Gwen or Arthur over him, and Merlin's heart still aches whenever he thinks about Freya or Will. Gwaine leaves, once, because he freaked out over the idea of life-long commitment, but he comes back shamefaced, explanations about his old womanizer ways pouring from his lips. Merlin holds Gwaine to him, and doesn't mention how much he cried when he discovered that Gwaine was gone.

Sometimes Merlin wonders who he'd choose, Gwaine or Freya or Will, if he had them all at the same time. Then he reminds himself that perhaps he found them each at different points in his life for a reason; perhaps this was the way things were meant to be.

Merlin doesn't much believe in fate. Perhaps he should, because his magic twirls around him like a cloak and Gwaine doesn't bat an eye when Merlin tells him, but he simply can't. Magic is real, tangible, just like soulmate marks. Fate is something everyone makes for themselves, although the whole soulmate mark business may imply otherwise.

As Merlin glances at Gwaine sleeping soundly at his side, Merlin decides that he's keeping this one, fate and stars be damned.


End file.
